“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
– Jeremiah 29:11
Moving On Is Hard to Do
(Lalo na Kung Hindi Naging Kayo!)
by Maymay Salvosa
“If you hold back on the emotions 3⁄4 if you don’t allow yourself to go all the way through them 3⁄4 you can never get to being detached, you’re too busy being afraid. You’re afraid of the pain, you’re afraid of the grief. You’re afraid of the vulnerability that loving entails…”
– Mitch Albom
Masayang kausap. May sense kung mag-isip, magsalita, at kumilos. Malapit kay Lord.
Ilan ‘yan sa mga nangungunang qualities ng ideal man ko. At bingo! May nakilala akong ganyan. Complete attendance lahat ng hinahanap ko! Bonus pa na magkasundo kami sa pagsusulat at sa team sa PBA (never say die, men!) Every time magka-text kami, ang saya! Like, really!
Sa sobrang inspired ko sa kanya, nagawan ko siya ng blog, tula, kanta, atbp. (Ay buking! Hindi niya ‘yan alam hanggang ngayon. Sareeee!)
Pero may problema. Bading? Nope! May girlfriend? Wala. May gustong iba? Hmmm… Kinda. It’s complicated. Handa ka na ba?
Bibitinin muna kita. Kanta muna tayo.
“Tulad ng mundong hindi tumitigil sa pag-ikot, pag-ibig di mapapagod. Tulad ng ilog na hindi tumitigil sa pag-agos, pag-ibig di matatapos…”
Magbalik, Callalilly, 2008. Sa music video n’yan, tumatak sa akin ang linya ng isa sa mga cast.
“Mahal kita… Pero mas mahal ko Siya.” (Read: Siya. Capital S.)
Sinong nagsabi? Isang seminarista.
Boom! Naka-relate naman ng todo ang lola niyo. Dahil sa tunay na buhay, yung ideal man na nakilala ko, yung taong meron ng lahat ng magugustuhan ko, sumobra ang pagiging malapit kay Lord. Nasa seminaryo. Magpapari siya!
Anak ng frog! Minsan na nga lang maiinlababo, barado pa. Tubero please!
Ang sakit! Like, really!
Imagine, I’ve been spending some time, thinking I’ll be alright (the correct words are “thinking of you and I”)… Don’t know if I could really stay here tonight…
Grabe yung pag-e-emote ko noon. In fairness sa kanya, hindi naman niya ko na-siopao zone. You know, ung binola- bola, kaya asa-dong asa-do ako. I just fell for him. And it was hard.
I really thought it was him already. Gosh, how can something so wrong feel so right all along? (Nabubuking ang mga theme songs ng buhay ko noong mga panahong ‘yon, ah! Hehe.) How and where am I supposed to find somebody else like him?
Noong inakala kong nakaka-move on na ‘ko, may nagpabasa sa ‘kin ng “By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept” ni Paolo Coelho. Naalala raw niya kasi ako sa kuwento. Patola naman ako. Hindi man lang ako nagtanong kung bakit.
Waaah! Ngalngal na naman. Hindi nakatulong. (Para hindi ako maging spoiler, hindi ko ikukuwento yung plot no’n.) Basta, napa-Maalala Mo Kaya mode na naman ako. Bakit ba hindi puwedeng maging kami?
Bakit ba kailangan pa natin makilala ang ilan sa mga taong magiging mahalaga sa atin kung masasaktan lang din tayo?
I know of some people who invested years and years together but ended up separating.
A few others risked a treasured friendship only to fail in their romantic relationship.
May ilan na hindi na talaga naka-move on from their last heartbreak. Takot nang magmahal ulit. O nagdududa kung may magmamahal pa ba sa kanila.
Looking back, I realize that my “falling in love” experience with Mr. Seminarian taught me a lot of things. I fell in love, but that wasn’t real love. Masyado lang akong na-amaze sa personality niya. But of course, hindi ko naman agad naintindihan ‘yan.
I’ve come to understand that not being with Mr. Seminarian is not the end of the world naman pala. I fell in love, alright.
I was hurt, okay. It didn’t end up the way I wanted to, fine. But I am grateful because through that phase, I learned that I am more capable of loving than I thought I was. Stronger than I knew. More beautiful than what the mirror says. (Ano raw?!) Hindi madaling tanggapin siyempre. Like all essential matters, healing takes time.
Alam niyo ba yung congenital analgesia? Ito yung sakit na “nagpapamanhid” sa tao kaya hindi siya nakakaramdam ng sakit. May ilang batang nagkaroon nito na na-damage ang mata, balat, at katawan dahil hindi sila nakakaramdam ng sakit. Meron pa ngang halos makain na niya yung buong dila niya. Pero hindi niya alam na napapahamak na niya yung sarili niya, dahil hindi siya nasasaktan.
Imagine what lack of pain can do to our lives? Argh. Mahirap masaktan, pero mas mahirap maging manhid. Mas nakakatakot pag wala ka nang nararamdaman at wala ka nang pakialam.
Pain teaches us to love more. Pain stretches our capacity to empathize. Pain opens our hearts for bigger things. Mas naintindihan ko ngayon yung pinagdadaanan ng mga nag-o-open sa ‘kin tungkol sa heartache nila. Mas napahalagahan ko yung efforts at presence ng mga taong nagmamahal sa ‘kin. Mas naging malinaw sa ‘kin na kahit pala sa love life ko, involved si God. Puwede akong makipagkuwentuhan, umiyak, magsumbong sa Kanya, at walang magbabago. Kasama ko pa rin Siya. May darating, may aalis. Pero Siya, nandyan pa rin. Walang iwanan.
Hindi ko naman sinasabing maging masokista at sadista tayo para saktan ang sarili natin at ang isa’t isa. The thing is, mahirap mag-move on, pero mas mahirap maging stuck.
Kapag hindi na nakakatulong, kapag hindi na nakakabuti, let go na, friend. Tama na. Nasaktan ka na once. Learn from it and then walk towards your healing. Masyado kang precious kay God para lang umiyak araw-araw.
Let me close this chapter with the chorus of Laura Story’s song entitled Blessings. Thanks Eka Coralde sa pag-share sa akin ng kantang ‘to.
“What if Your (God’s) blessings come through rain drops What if Your healing comes through tears What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?”
Move forward, friend. God is faithful. There’s still so much ahead. He has so much in store for you.
Get a Bible. Read Jeremiah 29:11. Basahin with feelings. Believe with an open heart.
From Confused to Moving On:
Jesus, I surrender to You my hurts. Help me to let go of them and to hold on to Your promises. May this pain bring out Your purpose for me. Amen.
*This excerpt is taken from Status: Confused! by Maymay Salvosa
Photo from pixabay.com
NA-WINDANG KA NA BA?
You know, ‘yung feeling na hindi mo na alam ang gagawin mo sa buhay. Tanong nga ng isang kanta, do you know
where you’re going to?
Kung unli-questions na lang ang peg mo sa araw-araw, tulad ng…
“Bakit ba ako naging ako?”
Magshi-shift ba ako ng course? Ng career?”
“Maghihintay ba ako, magho-hold on, maglelet go?”
“Siya na ba talaga, Lord?”
“May pag-asa pa ba ako?!”
Huwag ka nang mag-alala. It’s time to say goodbye to your windang moments dahil ito na ang libro na para sa’yo! Tutulungan ka nitong malaman kung ano nga ba ang dapat mong gawin at piliin. Basahin at alamin kung paano nagwagi ang Patrona ng mga Windang sa mga confusing moments na ito. Kung kaya niya, kayang-kaya mo rin.
Panahon na para baguhin ang status mo:
From Confused to Capable
From Confused to Courageous
From Confused to Loving
From Confused to Moving On
From Confused to Trusting
From Confused to Purpose Driven
From Confused to Embraced
Game na! Magtatanong ka. Matatawa ka. Matututo ka. Pramis.
ARE YOU READY TO SAY GOODBYE TO YOUR
GET YOUR COPY OF MAYMAY SALVOSA’S BOOK, STATUS: CONFUSED!
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Photo credit: http://piccsy.com/2011/05/reading-8ozcw6p11/ through vi.sualize.us
This Post Has 3 Comments
You have a grave point. It. HURTS. And it takes time to come into terms with what happened and cope with it, that is, to HEAL. The best thing about this is that God is with us every step of the way. 🙂
I agree that we have to go beyond the pain and whatever wounds the experience left us to deal with. In my experience, once I got past the pain, meaning I had clearer head to think things through and decide, the feelings animated me and drove me to find myself, to be a better person, to seek Him in all things. I was also able to empathize with other people’s heartaches, and appreciate companionship more, especially in the times I needed someone to talk to. I learned to face the fear of living a life without him by my side, without me supporting him on his down times, without the ‘growing old with you’ moments I have come to appreciate through my grandparents and now-ageing parents. Sure, there are times that my resolve wavers, and times that I would be painfully reminded of the experience. There were even times that I would think (concerned for the well-being, mostly) of the person in the middle of work, or even in the wee hours of the morning! I let myself feel the pain as much as it could, then I let go, turning it to the Lord with a prayer asking Him to not let me fall, to help me stand up and live, to trust in Him. I ask Him for the strength to let him be who he wants to be, and I intercede for him also, for God to grant him the graces he would need to be the best he could be in his chosen vocation. And a final prayer: to be not afraid to see, touch and tend to the wounds of others – as He had done for me and many, many others. In living as such, one can then reap a priceless benefit: becoming a blessing to others. When that happens, I pray with all of me: Your triumph, Lord, not mine.
Hi mga ‘te… mapalad pa kayo kasi seminarista pa lang ang nakilala niyo. Ako, pari na. Hehehe. Yep… I also encountered the same pain. Marami rin akong naging tanong sa sarili ko like “Kung hindi ba siya nag-pari, may chance kaya ako?” or “Bakit kasi kailangan ko pa siyang makita kung masasaktan lang naman ako sa dulo?” Ilang gabi rin akong umiyak ng very hard dahil napaka-guilty ng pakiramdam ko kapag nakikita ko minsan si Fr. bilang lalaki at hindi bilang ama/kuya sa pananampalataya. Gayunpaman, unti-unti, natutunan ko na ring pakawalan itong mabigat na nararamdaman ko. Naa-amaze ako sa tuwing nakikita ko si Fr. kung gaano siya kasaya sa pinili niyang vocation. Dahil dito, naramdaman ko yung desire sa pinaka-kaibuturan ng puso ko na panatilihing ang mga ngiti niyang iyon sa labi.
Pain is an experience it begins and it ends. It mimics a steep hill that is the conqueror which becomes the conquered once reached. Everyone suffered through pain, arguably everyone who comes out of it become stronger than they had ever been. It molds us to be better in many ways, shape or form. Clearly pain is not there for no reason, it is there for us to be triumphant. It is nothing but an overcomable challenges. Life is a humongous spinning wheel there are times we are on top and time when we are on the bottom. If you are in the bottom sooner or later you will be on top and vice versa.