Why Our Hearts Move Apart

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Then, because so many people were coming and going that they (apostles) did not even have a chance to eat, Jesus said to them, “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.”

Mark 6:31

Warning: There’s a cruel epidemic afflicting our families, our marriages and our friendships. It’s called the Relationship Drift.

It’s a very devious disease. It’s like some cancers. You really don’t know you have it until it’s fatal. And then it’s too late.

And then Relationship Drift becomes Relationship Dead.

The only solution is to diagnose it early.

But the symptoms of Relationship Drift are almost invisible to the naked eye.

Because you’re not really fighting each other.

There are no screaming matches. In fact, your home is quiet. Like a convent.

And there are no pots and pans flying in the air.

And there are no bloody court cases.

But little by little, your hearts move apart.

Intimacy is gone.

Joy is missing.

In marriage, sex only happens every time Halley’s comet passes planet Earth.

You take each other for granted.

You know the disease has run its full course because wake up one morning not caring for the other person anymore.

Let me give you examples of the Relationship Drift:

The father who doesn’t have heart-to-heart conversations with his kids anymore. Or the wife who no longer enjoys her husband’s company. Or a couple that talk to each other functionally, not deeply. Or siblings who no longer laugh together, play together and eat together.

Here’s why: We live in a busy world.

Bills need to be paid.

Cars need to be repaired.

And kids need to be fed, vaccinated and neutered, er, I mean nurtured. (I know of parents who want to administer this little medical procedure to their kids when puberty comes along.)

My point? It’s natural that you drift apart.

You don’t have to be a bad person. You don’t have to be Adolf Hitler or The Joker. You don’t have to be obnoxious, selfish or evil to cause the disease called Relationship Drift.

Let me give you an analogy.

Two people in a relationship are like two little boats floating on the sea.

Problem: There’s a current that will slowly pull the two boats apart. Before they know it, the two boats are miles away from each other.

Friend, there’s really only one way to fight the drift: Paddle!

If you don’t want to drift, you’ll have to go against the flow and paddle your way to each other. You’ll have to work hard, muscle your way, sweat like crazy and fight to be together.

I believe that the only antidote to Relationship Drift is to bond constantly.

If you don’t, the effects can be disastrous…

When We Don’t Fight the Relationship Drift

David Perdew wrote this about “fatherless kids” in America. According to statistics, children from a fatherless home are:

Five times more likely to commit suicide;

Thirty-two times more likely to run away;

Twenty times more likely to have behavioral disorders;

Fourteen times more likely to commit rape (this applies to boys);

Nine times more likely to drop out of high school;

Ten times more likely to abuse chemical substances;

Nine times more likely to end up in a charitable institution; and

Twenty times more likely to end up in prison for a long period of time.

David Perdew says we either pay now or pay later.

And when you pay later, it always costs more.

My suggestion is to pay now.

Fighting the Relationship Drift is very difficult.

But it’s easier paying now than paying later.

Here’s how to do it.

Time Management vs. Biggies Management

Treasure your relationships, not your possessions.

Anthony J. D’Angelo

Do you want to spend more time with your family?

Time management is not the solution.

I know a company that charges $759 per person for their Time Management Seminar. Let me save you $759 right now and tell you it doesn’t work.

These guys will teach you how to become experts in multi-tasking.

While you shave, mentally plan for your day.

While you drive, record your things-to-do in an MP3 recorder. calls. time.

While sitting on the throne of life, make your phone

While talking with your boss, floss your teeth. I don’t believe in any of that.

Though I must admit, I’m guilty of trying all of them.

Except for the flossing. (I don’t have a boss.)

And believe me, these things don’t give you more.

Worse, they take away your peace.

Here’s a principle you can take to the bank: Anything that takes away your peace won’t work in the long run.

Instead of time management, I teach people Biggies Management.

What Are Your Biggies?

If you really think about it, you can put everything happening in your life into two categories: biggies and smallies.

If you manage your biggies, you manage your life.

It’s the secret to great success.

What are your biggies?

People who don’t know their biggies will be ruled by their smallies. They’ll be lost boats in the sea, being pushed and pulled in various directions.

Your biggies consist of the four most important parts of your life:

  • Your family
  • Your health
  • Your mission
  • Your spirit

Everything else are smallies.

If you want to be successful, focus on your biggies.

When you make your weekly schedule, write down the biggies first. Each of these biggies can be broken down. But today, I’d like to share with you the Family Biggies that you need to do. These are the powerful ways to paddle against Relationship Drift.

Are you ready? Read more of this from the book “How to Build a Happy Family” by Bo Sanchez. Available in paperback and e-book at www.feastbooks.ph

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