Seven Steps to Talk More about Your Sex Life

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We’ve met many couples who sweep any uncomfortable topic under the rug. And usually, the first topic to go beneath the thick
carpet is their sex life. They hardly talk about it.

That’s a huge mistake!

Friend, if you want to have a great sex life, you must have a great talk life. In the past twenty-five years, my wife and I have discussed about our sex life a lot. This has not only solved so many problems, it has also brought us closer together.

Here are seven practical steps you can take to improve your communication about sex.

  1. Find a Safe Place to Talk
    Make sure your partner feels comfortable, not rushed. If it’s the first time to talk about your sex life, my advice is not to do it before or after your sexual activity. This will give you a more neutral frame of mind to discuss without the baggage of what just happened or what will happen.
  1. Use “I” Statements, not “You” Statements
    Instead of saying, “You never initiate sex” and “Dati, you can’t get your hands off me, pero ngayon, hindi na ako kaakit-akit sa ’yo” (I’m no longer attractive to you), try saying, “I feel neglected when I’m always the one initiating sex. I’ll feel happy and desired if you would initiate more often.”
    Instead of saying, “You’re not romantic anymore,” why not say, “I feel that our romantic moments have lessened recently. I miss those times and I’d love to have more of them.”
    Instead of saying, “You’re too quick during sex,” try saying, “I need a little more time to fully enjoy sex. Perhaps we can go slow and extend foreplay.”

  2. Be Open
    Honesty is key. Share what you enjoy and what you don’t. Here’s a huge suggestion: Use this book to start your conversations about specific topics. Read it together. And then discuss your learnings.

  3. Avoid Criticism
    Be positive. Focus on solutions, not problems. Never criticize your partner’s sexual performance. Share alternatives instead.

  4. Be Respectful
    Your partner was raised in a different sexual background, so he or she will most likely have different beliefs about sex and have different sexual wants and expectations. You cannot force what you want.

  5. Be Patient with the Process
    Don’t expect instant results after one or two conversations. Keep listening deeply to each other. Just like your
    relationship, your sex life is a beautiful journey. Enjoy the process. Take small steps and celebrate them.

  6. Keep Serving Each Other
    The goal is to grow in selflessness—to make sex your way of serving each other. When you do this, sex will make you grow closer to each other.

*This excerpt was taken from BETTER LOVERS by Bo & Marowe Sanchez, available in paperback and e-book copy at!

Read more about solving other roots of your sexual difficulties that are outside your relationship through this book!

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