How Do You Fall In Love Again: An exercise from courage to trust

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Fall In Love Again by Rissa Sinsong Kawpeng

There are people who find it hard to fall in love again.

After bleeding through a difficult relationship and surviving an even more painful breakup, they just want to give their hearts a rest.

I can’t blame them. Only a masochist would want to inflict herself with pain over and over again. But as we’ve already heard, everything must have an expiry date. Something that’s healthy for you can also turn poisonous if consumed after its best-before date.

The same goes for grief, anger, and brokenness. After a bad relationship, go ahead and withdraw. Grieve. Get mad. But don’t stay in that situation forever. Give negative feelings an expiry date. Because after that, they won’t help you heal any longer.

For those who want to love again, but find it hard to, let me give you a prescription. You need a healthy dose of courage to love again. Courage for what? Courage to trust. Some people find it hard to fall in love again because they’re afraid to trust again. They’re afraid to get hurt again. So what happens? They let fear overwhelm their capacity to love.

If you’ve just come from a bad breakup or an abusive relationship, it’s just natural that you don’t want to trust first. Give yourself that gap. You need time to heal. You start by trusting God.

In Mark 4:35-41, Jesus and His disciples cross a lake on a boat. But a squall breaks out and waves batter the boat. Water begins to fill the vessel. The disciples are worried. But Jesus is asleep at the stern of the boat. Comfortably, on a cushion. Oblivious. Uncaring. Out of touch with the fear gripping His friends.

I look at the definition of “stern.” It’s the back part of the boat or ship. But its Old Norse origin catches my attention. It’s akin to the steering or rudder. Jesus sleeps but He’s by the steering or rudder of the boat. Should this make the disciples feel more secure—that He is near the controls even as He sleeps? Or should this make them even more indignant—because He’s sleeping on the job?

The big message for me is that God’s presence is enough. Whether the waves batter me from all sides or frightening waters threaten to sink me, knowing that Jesus is with me—whether I feel Him or not—is enough. His presence is my safety and salvation.

Devotional writer Oswald Chambers said, “Unless we can look the darkest, blackest fact full in the face without damaging God’s character, we do not yet know Him.”

We need the courage to trust God.

There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment, and so one who fears is not yet perfect in love. (1 John 4:18)

*This article taken from Kerygma Magazine August  2019 issue*

Featured image is from Unsplashed.com.

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