Ways to Initiate Communication—He Says, She Says

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Healthy confrontation and courageous conversations are important in marriage. It helps us make good decisions, meet spouse’s needs, and even have better sex and intimacy. It is important to be open about anything that will improve your family life.

Establish a good foundation to a better communication in your relationship. Here are some tips that help establish an open communication line from my perspective (Love) as a wife.

  1. Create an encouraging environment. Instead of attacking each other during an argument, find a common ground that will make us the best version of ourselves.
  2. Achieve empathy. When Dreus and I are both tired, we easily get irritated by so many things and by each other. Once, he came home tired from work and I was also tired from my activities with Anya. I felt that he was not sensitive about my feelings, and he felt the same way toward me. But the moment we hugged and appreciated each other for the hard work and adjustment we made, everything became better.
  3. Respect each other’s opinion. It matters to me that Dreus allows me to share my thoughts and opinions about our family life. I have a strong personality. Some people around us might think that I control Dreus’s view about many things. The beautiful truth is that he respects my voice as much I respect his.
  4. Eyes on the prize. When Dreus and I have an argument, it’s easy for me to focus on his weaknesses. But I would do my best to magnify his loving character and remember the day I first fell in love with him. I would remind myself that this is a part of him that I need to embrace. At the end of the day, I know he also does the same for me.

As a husband, here are my (Dreus’s) tips:

  1. Make it daily. We ask each other how our day went before going to bed, during meals, while resting, when doing chores, and other times we spend together.
  2. Have a weekly date. Before our daughter was born, every day was a date day for us. Sunday nights are reserved for our before-we-hit-a-new week planning time. Now that we have a daughter, we need to be intentional in our schedule.
  3. Full attention, please. It’s not natural for men to be emotionally open. Most men would rather talk about solutions rather than emotions. So when we start talking, we will need your full attention.
  4. Let’s have fun. There are times when the little boy inside us wants to have fun conversations with our spouse.
  5. We’re willing to help; just allow us to go at our own pace. Most men do not want to be bossed around. Instead of nagging your husband to throw the trash now, say, “Hon, I need your help. The trash is full.” That turns us into heroes who need to rescue their damsel. Leave us to carry out the task at our own time.

*This excerpt was taken from LOVE CONNECT by Dreus and Love Cosio, available in paperback and e-book copy at http://www.feastbooks.ph!

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