One day, I was chatting with a young friend who got married not too long ago.
He said, “Bo, as a human race, we’ve been duped.”
I asked, “What do you mean?”
He said, “When we were single, we were preoccupied with sex. I fought sexual temptations every day. Porn. Lust. Premarital sex. It was a fierce battle. But one day, my girlfriend and I got married. And now, I can have sex anytime I want to.”
“I sense a but coming,” I said.
“But now I ask myself, ‘Is this it?” he said. “What was all the huge hullabaloo about? There are many days, sometimes weeks, when my wife and I are so exhausted, we enjoy sleep more than sex.”
I laughed. “Welcome to married life. That’s normal. Especially when there’s a small chubby dictator in the room.”
He chuckled, “Oh my gosh, our baby is a handful,” and like any proud dad, whipped out his phone to show me a picture of the adorable tyrant ruling their lives.
He said, “I compare sex to the FB page of an Airbnb house. The photos look amazing. But when you go there, you look around and say, ‘Gee, it was so much nicer in the photos.”
“Because sex has been advertised wrongly,” I said. “It’s been promoted as a path of unbridled pleasure. But it’s not. More than anything else, sex is a path of service.”
He raised his eyebrow. “Service?”
“I know it sounds unromantic. If you see sex as a way of serving your spouse, I assure you, chances are higher that sex will be a blessing and not a burden?”
He said, “Really? We’ve only been married for almost three years and I’m worried. I was talking to an older guy who’s been married for twenty-three years, and he tells me he and his wife are like a brother and sister now. He said sex is a museum artifact of a previous lifetime.”
“It doesn’t have to be that way,” I said. “I’ve been married for twenty-five years, and our sex life is better today than when we were younger. Believe me, if you work at your relationship and your sexual intimacy, it can get better.”
The Secret to a Great Sex Life
Friend, if you’re married, we want to help you have a great sex life. But before we do, let me clarify something important. A great sex life isn’t measured by frequency or intensity or acrobatic dexterity, but spiritual generosity.
This book isn’t a sex manual.
This is a relationship manual.
It just has a special focus on physical intimacy.
At the end of the day, great sex is great selflessness.
The secret to a great sex life is three words: sex is service.
As a husband, sex is my way of serving my wife.
If you embrace this with all your heart, both you and your partner will journey into a great sex life.
But it’s still a journey; it’s not instant. And you never arrive. You keep adjusting through the changing seasons of your life.
More than a great sex life, what we really want you to have is a great life. Period.
Sex is a very small part of your relationship, but often, it’s a thermometer of what is happening in that relationship. (More on this later.)
It took me twenty-five years to write this book for married people who are asking these questions:
“How can we grow in sexual intimacy?”
“I’m just tolerating sex. What’s wrong with me?”
“When I make love to my spouse, I’m haunted by my past, and I lost all my passion. What should I do?”
“Right now, I feel repulsed when I have sex with my husband. How can I get rid of this feeling?”
“We hardly do it anymore. And that’s fine. I’ve never liked it anyway. Is this normal?”
For over forty years of my ministry, I’ve talked to so many couples, so believe me when I say that whatever your situation is, you’re not alone.
You can start walking toward healing.
But before we dive into the world of physical intimacy as a couple, Marowe and I will tell you our love story in the Introduction. We do this to point out that many of the things in the past—your beliefs, your mistakes, and your traumas—have an impact on your relationship and sexual life today as a couple.
If you’re married, this book will help you have a great sex life.
But this book isn’t just about great sex.
Five Sections of Better Lovers
In Section 1, I share seven external causes of sex difficulties in marriage. Because for many couples, their sexual difficulties do not come from their relationship. They’re doing well, but there are other factors that trigger the deterioration of their sex life, like medical issues, physical exhaustion, mental health, traumas, etc.
In Section 2, after we talk about how men and women have different primary sexual needs, I address the husbands, giving them six practical strategies to satisfy a woman’s sexual wants. If some men are not readers by nature and can only read a few pages, I urge them to read at least this section. Trust me, it will be all worth it. It will transform their marriage.
In Section 3, Marowe and I talk to women, sharing six practical strategies to satisfy a man’s sexual wants. Be forewarned. It will be spicy!
In Section 4, we tackle head-on other sex problems in marriage and their practical solutions. We talk about stuff that we usually avoid talking about, such as premature ejaculation, vaginal dryness, erectile dysfunction, porn, emotional adultery, what to do when sex isn’t available, and overcoming sexual temptations. If we, as God followers, don’t talk about them-who will?
In Section 5, I share how to build a healthy body. Since sex is a physical activity, you must work on a few essential health habits to keep your body in tip-top shape to have an active sex life for many years to come.
As you turn the pages of this special book, please know that Marowe and I are praying for your marriage!
May your love overflow,
Bo and Marowe Sanchez
*This excerpt was taken from BETTER LOVERS by Bo and Marowe Sanchez, available in paperback and e-book copy at www.feastbooks.ph!
