Single #1: Kumusta naman ang love life mo?
Single #2: Eto parang Coke. Kung ‘di sakto, zero!
Single #1: Ha, ha, ha. Ako rin! Kawawa naman talaga tayo. Buti pa si Snow White, kumain lang ng mansanas, nagka-love life na. Samantalang ako, fruit salad na ang binanatan ko, single pa rin ako!
Single #2: Korek ka dyan! Buti pa si Cinderella, nag-iwan lang ng sapatos, nahalikan na ng prince charming niya. Samantalang ako, sapatos at tsinelas na ang iniwan ko, ginamit lang pang-tumbang preso!
Nakakatawang isipin at pakinggan ang mga ganitong biruan pero kung titingnan nating mabuti, jokes like these imply that having a partner is the cure for loneliness. And sad to say, maraming mga single ang may ganyang pananaw. Tila ba ang pagkakaroon ng partner ang makapagpapasaya sa kanila. This is totally wrong.
I believe that getting married will never make you happy if you’re an unhappy single to begin with.
Marriage is like a magnifying glass. Whatever you bring into the marriage is magnified and multiplied to a greater extent. For example, if you are a loving person, the love that you have will be further exposed once you get married. If you are selfish, then that selfishness will be more evident when you are already married.
It’s the same thing with happiness.
Getting married will not make an unhappy single person happy. It will simply make her an unhappy married person. Happiness cannot come from your one true love. Happiness is from within. If you think you can get happiness from marriage, you are wrong.
Marriage Is Not a Bag of Goodies
Many people think that marriage is like a loot bag filled with nice things they want in life. They think they can get joy, peace, intimacy, companionship, support, care, and other nice things from marriage.
Para bang ‘yung loot bag na nakuha mo nung bata ka pa sa birthday parties. ‘Yan ‘yung highlight ng buong party para sa iyo. Kasi alam mo na kapag nakakuha ka ng loot bag, you will end up surprised and satisfied with all the goodies there.
Unfortunately, it’s not the same case for marriage. It’s not a bag of goodies. In fact, it’s an empty bag. When the couple says, “I do,” the couple actually starts on an empty bag. A blank canvas. A new beginning.
It’s the couple’s job to fill up their marriage bag with all the goodies that they like. They bring with them their own happiness, selflessness, patience, mercy, and understanding. One must not enter marriage with the intention of getting and receiving something from it. Instead, one should enter marriage intending to offer something to the relationship.
Kaya naman kung hindi mo pa kayang maging masaya habang single ka pa, please lang, ‘wag ka na munang maghanap ng partner kasi baka madamay pa sila sa drama at gulo ng buhay mo.
Need vs. Love
If ever you are involved with someone, it might be good to ask yourself: “Are you in need?” or “Are you in love?”
Love is different from need. Love in itself is complete. It seeks to give. On the other hand, need is incomplete. That’s why it always seeks to get.
Kaya maraming single ang nai-involve sa maling relationship. Kasi may need sila to be in a relationship. Akala nila ay in love sila sa isang tao pero ang totoo in love sila sa idea ng pagkakaroon ng someone in their life. They probably don’t love the person, they just love the idea of being in a relationship.
You will know if you’re in need if you are keeping the relationship for the wrong reasons.
One day, may isang babaeng lumapit sa akin at nagtanong, “Velden, anong gagawin ko? ‘Yung boyfriend ko for seven years, ilang beses ko na nahuling nagsisinungaling. Tatlong beses na siyang nambabae. Nahuli ko na naman siya, pero humingi siya ulit ng tawad sa akin. Patatawarin ko ba uli? Or should I let go?”
Tinanong ko siya, “What’s keeping you from letting go?”
She answered, “Eh kasi mahal ko siya. At tsaka, sayang yung seven years namin. Tsaka 35 years old na po ako, natatakot ako na baka wala nang magmahal sa akin. Baka hindi na po ako makapag-asawa. Pero nasasaktan na po talaga ako every time nambababae siya.”
I told her. “Leave the guy. You don’t love him. You need him. Klaro naman sa ‘yo na hindi siya ang tamang lalaki para sa ‘yo. You are staying in the relationship for the wrong reasons. Is this the kind of man you would like to marry?”
She said, “No, I want someone who is faithful. Pero paano kung wala nang ibang dumating?”
I just told her, “You don’t deserve him. Do yourself a favor by leaving him and loving yourself again. You might think you have a slim chance of meeting somebody, but I believe you will kill all your chances by staying in that relationship with that man. You don’t want to get stuck with that kind of man for the rest of your life.”
Masaya ka ba sa pagiging single mo?
Delikado kung ikinalulungkot at isinusumpa mo ang pagiging single mo. If not handled carefully, this impatience can cause you to be miserable. And you don’t want that to happen. Because misery coupled with impatience and desperation can be the most unattractive thing in the world. It won’t attract the right people. Worse, desperation will most likely attract those cunning predators waiting to take advantage of desperate and needy singles. Mag-ingat. Dahil maraming oportunista sa paligid. They can smell desperation and they are willing to capitalize on it.
*This article is an excerpt from the book, Bakit Single Ka Pa Rin? Mga Kalokohang Pinaniwalaan Mo Tungkol Sa Pag-ibig by Velden Lim.
Featured photo from Unsplash.com.
“YUNG TOTOO, PANGIT BA AKO?”
Have you ever asked this question before? Sabay follow up ng, “Kung ‘di ako pangit, eh bakit single pa rin ako?” This may be the biggest question that many singles who have not yet found their partner in life are asking.
If this question is answered incorrectly, it will lead to discontent, impatience, and misery. Kaya imbis na na-eenjoy mo ang pagiging single mo, tinatrato mo ito bilang sumpa na kailangan mo nang malampasan o takasan.
SO BAKIT SINGLE KA PA RIN?
Kasi marami kang kalokohang pinaniniwalaan tungkol sa pag-ibig.
This book will bust these relationship myths and other crazy things you believed about love while growing up.
Let this book guide you not only in finding your one true love, but also in living your single life to the fullest.
ALAMIN KUNG BAKIT SINGLE KA PA RIN!
GET YOUR COPY OF VELDEN LIM’S
BAKIT SINGLE KA PA RIN? MGA KALOKOHANG PINANIWALAAN MO SA PAG-IBIG
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