by Marianne Mencias
“Your heart is not a toy, but if you want it broken, give it to a boy.”
We find this statement funny but doesn’t it hold so much truth? What’s a boy, really? I’ll try to define it. Someone who sees women as objects of pleasure and not an equal who is worthy of respect. Someone who doesn’t have a vision for his life and wastes his time and energy on things that don’t really add value to him or others, someone who only looks after his own needs, someone who has an addiction and doesn’t have self-control. He’s a boy because he doesn’t even know his own value; how can he truly value another human being?
Perhaps he is this way because he wasn’t parented in a way that God intended (because his parents weren’t parented well, too). A lot of women help boys stay as boys by saying yes to a romantic relationship with them. Open your eyes, ladies! That is not the loving thing to do for the guy, for you, and most especially for your future children. If the person you’re dating is still a boy as we have just defined it, do yourself a favor and walk away from that relationship. Just pray for him from a distance and keep working on yourself to become the woman God made you to be. Give your heart only to a real man—someone who’ll parent your kids with you the right way.
Cassie Carstens writes in his book, The World Needs a Father, “We cannot be real fathers if we are not first real men. . . . In our college, a real man is considered to be someone that can win a brawl, drink a lot of liquor, and who has slept with a string of girls, preferably virgins. That is a pathetic picture of men. THAT IS MEN AT THEIR WORST. . . . The roots of tragedy were almost always buried in the same bitter ground of broken, dysfunctional or non-existent family life, the answer we’re realizing pointed to the most fundamental flaw in society: fatherlessness. . . . The children are crying. They cry, but not always knowing for what they cry. Some children can identify their longing for their fathers, while others just sense a lack deep within themselves. Boys join gangs and girls become prematurely sexually active.”
Father wounds have created hell on earth. The real role of men is to be the protector and provider, but they end up being the abusers.
The Responsibility of Parents
I recently learned from a pediatrician friend that there is a 140 percent increase in HIV cases in the Philippines among fifteen- to thirty-year-olds in the past six years. In September 2018 alone, there were 954 new HIV cases reported. Something has to be done about this, and I believe it has to start with how children are parented. In Matthew 18:6, Jesus said, “Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble and sin [by leading him away from My teaching], it would be better for him to have a heavy millstone [as large as one turned by a donkey] hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea” (AMP).
If a dad takes God seriously, so will his children. If the father does not go to church, no matter how faithful his wife’s devotions, only one child in fifty will become a regular worshipper, according to a Swiss Government Report.
There is a Harvard study that linked religious upbringing to better health and well-being during early adulthood. “Researchers found that people who attended weekly religious services or practiced daily prayer or meditation in their youth reported greater life satisfaction and positivity in their twenties—and were less likely to subsequently have depressive symptoms, smoke, use illicit drugs, or have a sexually transmitted infection—than people raised with less regular spiritual habits.”
Parents usually think that the school is responsible for teaching their kids about faith. Nah, it’s the parents’ job to raise godly children. It’s actually both a selfless and selfish act because when you bring them up in godly discipline, you will have lesser problems when they grow older. Amen? Amen!
Carstens writes, “The epicenter of world change is restoring a right understanding and practice of godly fatherhood. To see a better world, to hear shouts of joy instead of cries in pain, we need godly fathers to lead their families in a revolution of restoration, of bringing heaven to earth.”
Women,we have to see our role in all of this. It’s our responsibility to take time to know the truth and our own worth in God’s eyes, so we don’t allow ourselves to fall in love with a boy and not a real man. Just look at the ones who have suffered before us. Let’s not allow the devil to repeat the same pattern in our life. If we’ve already fallen, let’s not allow the devil to keep on winning.
Social media influencer and author Stephan Labossiere said that women should stop “playing the game of fixing broken men” and “being an enabler to a man who’s not ready to be blessed by the amazing woman you are.”
What a Guy’s Gotta Do
It’s sad that there are spineless guys. If a guy can’t even ask you out on a decent date, be cautious of him. Women often have to do the DTR (define the relationship) talk because the guys they’re dating aren’t clear and intentional. These women had their hopes up and were ghosted. You deserve so much more than that.
How can you expect him to carry heavy burdens with you as a husband and father if he can’t even do the simple thing of risking rejection or manning up to lay down his intentions so as not to lead you on or confuse you? Please, letting that boy go is loving him best. He needs to grow up. Otherwise, he may end up misleading a family—and who knows how far and long the ripple of that curse will be.
I believe that when a man and woman follow God and it’s His intention to put them together, He will place it in the man’s heart to pursue His daughter, and He will place it in His woman’s heart to respond to that pursuit. The journey will be smooth, easy, and accompanied by deep joy and peace. YouTuber Emily Wilson echoes this when her godly husband, Daniel, pursued her. He told her that he felt deep in his heart that he wanted to provide for her and protect her.
To continue reading, grab your copy of Why Is My Forever Taking Forever.
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