by Velden Lim

Mabalik tayo sa tanong na nais sagutin ng librong ito, “Kung hindi ka pangit, bakit single ka pa rin?”

Answer: Kasi naniwala ka sa limang kalokohang ito.

1) Ang Importante, Mabait Ka
2) Destiny
3) Spark
4) Marriage Will Make You Happy
5) Ang Dami Mong Excuses

These are the wrong beliefs that we have about love and dating. I have presented these myths in this entire book. On the surface, we think that our problem is ignorance and misinformation. But I think it is much deeper than that.

In fact, just as I was finishing this book, I posted a question on my Facebook page asking people, “Bakit single ka pa rin?”

I got tons of answers. As I read all the comments, I think I have found the root cause. It’s FEAR.

Bakit single ka pa? Kasi takot ka!

Takot masaktan.
Takot umasa.
Takot maiwan.
Takot tumaya.
Takot ma-reject.
Takot na hindi ka ready.
Takot sa commitment.
Takot tumandang mag-isa.
Takot na matali sa isang tao.
Takot na magkamali sa pagpili.

Takot kumilala ng ibang tao.
Takot sa multo ng nakaraan.
Takot i-let go ang hinihintay niyang tao.
Takot sumubok.
Takot magtiwala.
Takot magbago.
Takot magbukas ng sarili.
Takot bumuhay ng isang pamilya.
Takot sa gastos.
Takot magsakripisyo.
Takot mawala ang kalayaan ng pagiging single.

Takot.

‘Yan ang tunay na dahilan kung bakit single ka pa rin.

Are You Operating on Fear?

Fear is the most unattractive thing in this world. People can smell it.

Amoy na amoy ng crush mo kung desperado ka. Amoy na amoy din kapag may trust issues ka, kapag takot ka sa commitment, at takot ma-reject. That’s why it is hard for you to attract the right person. Kung may ma-attract man sa ‘yo, malamang ay takot din siya.

Remember: Like attracts like. Fearful people will attract fearful people. Broken people will attract broken people. And great loving people will attract great loving people.

That’s why if you had some failed relationships, chances are one or both of you were operating on fear. That may be the reason why it didn’t work out. I believe real and meaningful relationships won’t blossom in a fearful environment.

Sabi ng isa kong kaibigan, “Safeguard na lang kaya ang mahalin ko?” Tinanong ko kung bakit. Sabi niya, “Para iwas sakit na, iwas gastos pa!”

Pwede naman. Wala ngang sakit. Walang gastos. Pero wala ring saya. Eh ganoon naman talaga ang pag-ibig, ‘di ba? Kapag nagmahal ka, masasaktan at mahihirapan ka talaga. It’s costly. Sacrifices have to be made. Only those who are unafraid to be hurt will fully experience the joy of loving.

Take a deeper look into your heart: Is it filled with fear?

If yes, what are your fears? And most importantly, why are you afraid? Maybe it’s time to face your deepest fears inside.

Fear paralyzes you. You can’t move. You can’t move forward. You don’t want to take risks. And in the end, you stay stuck. Because fear is the enemy of progress.

I love what C. Joybell said, “The only way that we can live is if we grow. The only way we can grow is if we change. The only way we change is if we learn. The only way we learn is if we are exposed. And the only way that we are exposed is if we throw ourselves into the open.”

I hope and pray that after reading this book, you will be brave enough to throw yourself out into the open. Stand tall and take courage.

I know it’s scary. But courage is not the absence of fear. Fear will always be there; it is inevitable. It will always be a part of life. Real courage is being afraid and doing it anyway. Risking it anyway. Loving and allowing yourself to be loved anyway.

You may be hurt again. You may fail. But at least you have taken the next step instead of being stuck wherever you are right now. ‘Wag kang matakot tumaya sa pagmamahal. Ganoon naman talaga eh. Lahat naman ng nagtagumpay sa pag-ibig ay hindi rin sigurado noong umpisa. May takot din. Pero sa kabila ng lahat, hindi sila nag-alinlangang tumaya.

*This excerpt is taken from “Bakit Single Ka Pa Rin?” by Velden Lim.

Available at www.feastbooks.ph now in audiobook version! Also available via Shopee and Lazada.

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