The Four Most Common Broken Fences in Your Life

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Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.”
– Proverbs 4:23

The Four Most Common Broken Fences in Your Life
by Bo Sanchez


How do you build your boundaries?

After over 30 years of helping people, I’ve noticed four of the most common areas where we have broken boundaries. These are like broken fences where thieves enter and steal God’s blessings from your life:

  1. Our Money Fence is Broken.
  2. Our Body Fence is Broken.
  3. Our Friendship Fence is Broken.
  4. Our Helping Fence is Broken.


  1. Our Money Fence Is Broken

It’s your personal responsibility to build your finances. In our old way of thinking, Christians should never think about money. I think that’s nuts. When you help others, you should help yourself financially. That’s not selfishness, that’s self-love.

If you’re a parent, then let me speak to you. I know you love your kids. But don’t spend everything for them. Give yourself the gift of limits. You need to set aside a portion of your income for your future personal needs. Because if you don’t invest for yourself, you’ll end up burdening your adult children to pay for your old age. You want to grow old and grow rich at the same time.

  1. Our Body Fence Is Broken

I see this so often: When mothers no longer have time for themselves because of the children’s needs.

Don’t let that happen to you. Or you’ll burn out.

My message to mothers: Eat the right food. Take vacations. Exercise. Take time to pray. And see to it that you have “alone” times. And time to be with your girlfriends. I love it when my wife goes out with her girlfriends. Because I know that when she comes home, her love tank is full, and she has much love to give to me and the boys.

I see this same “burning out” among Christian leaders. If you’re a Christian leader, be like Sammie. Delegate. Work as a team. Meet your physical needs. Watch what you eat. Establish an exercise program. And take vacations. It isn’t a sin to ask for one!

  1. Our Friendship Fence Is Broken

When you were growing up, your mother told you, “Choose your friends.” I’m going to say the same thing to you.

Don’t just spend time with the people who are most available to you or with the people that’s right in front of you. Be deliberate with who you spend your time. Because your future will be shaped by the people you hang out with.

First, there are nourishing friends. After hanging out with them, you feel inspired. You leave their presence encouraged. Enlightened. Elevated.

Second, there are negative friends. After spending time with them, you feel drained. Deflated. Depleted. Discouraged. Damaged. And sometimes, devastated.

If nourishing friends are terrific friends, then negative friends are toxic friends.

It’s their negativity that saps our energy. They complain a lot. They love to criticize others.

They love pointing out the faults of others. Here’s my advice: Love yourself and avoid toxic people. Life is short! You only have a short time on planet earth. Hang out with the people that nourish you.
 Some Christians think that because God calls us to love all sorts of people, we have no choice but to spend time with toxic people 24 hours a day. We feel guilty and think, “My gosh, if God chose to spend time with the lovable only, then He wouldn’t have spent time with me.”

But that’s precisely the point. You’re not God. You have limits. Love yourself and give yourself the gift of limits.

Look, I’m not saying, “Don’t love toxic people.” We should. But if you’re spending 80% of your time with toxic people and 20% of your time with terrific people, balance it! Or one day, you’ll have nothing to give. Be deliberate in choosing who you hang out with.

  1. Our Helping Is Broken

We don’t know how to help others. Many times, our helping doesn’t help at all. It doesn’t help the person we’re helping and it doesn’t help the helper.

The wisdom of the Bible can fix this. The Bible is brilliant. I find it amazing how a

2,000-year-old text contains practical solutions to modern psychological problems. (Actually, they’re not really modern — they’re just named in a modern way.)

Take Galatians 5. This chapter contains two seemingly opposing instructions. In verse 2, it says, “Carry each other’s burdens.” And then in verse 5, just three verses after, it says, for each one should carry his own load.”

At first, I was confused. Do we help or do we not help?

The answer is in the Greek text. If you look at the original Greek translation, it’s clear. “Burden” means “boulder.” And “load” means “knapsack.”

So the literal Greek translation can be like this: “Carry each other’s boulder… for each one should carry his knapsack.”


Help those who can’t carry their burden — but don’t help those who can but won’t.

In other words, don’t take on the personal responsibilities of other people. If you do, your helping isn’t really helping, but harming.

Let me give you an example. If you’re a mother, you brush the teeth of your toddler. But at a certain point, you ask your child to take personal responsibility for brushing his teeth. It will be awkward if you still brush the teeth of your 27-year-old. There’s something bizarre if Mom says, “Son, open your mouth. Wider please. I need to reach your left molar. So, how was your sales presentation this morning?”

Give yourself the gift of limits by knowing where your responsibility ends and where the other person’s responsibility begins.

This excerpt is taken from You’re Weird (In a Wonderful Way) by Bo Sanchez.
Photo from


 So many people today don’t like themselves. They’re ashamed of many parts of their life. And they’re actually very nasty to themselves. They neglect their own needs, they’re addicted to toxic stress everyday (which is slow suicide), they don’t respect their limits, and they stay forever in poisonous relationships.

In this life-changing book, bestselling author and spiritual leader Bo Sanchez offers the solution: To give yourself permission to be you. To embrace your past, your pains, your personality, and your purpose.

Through this book, you’ll learn to relax more, love yourself more, and find your place in the world.


Were you blessed by this article? Would you be surprised if we tell you that this came from a book that we will launch next month?




COming soon at and all leading bookstores nationwide.



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