The Father Effect

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by Dreus Cosio

My wife, Love, and I have had numerous conversations with women who share their heartaches of having a lazy husband who doesn’t care and support the family. Others complain of husbands and fathers who provide for the family but are not emotionally connected to them. I’m not here to judge fathers who are having a hard time being a father. Rather, I’m here to provide support and encouragement to all the fathers out there. As one speaker said, “This is not to give us the fear of hell but the appetite for heaven.”

Fatherhood: Defined by Society versus Designed by God Over the years, fatherhood has been defined by the way children experience it and what they see from movies, videos, and other forms of media. There’s the I-can’t-remember-birthdays dad, the I-can’t- change-diapers dad, and the hardworking but disconnected dad who leaves mom to relate with the children. It’s easy to get lost along the way when we let the society mentor us about fatherhood. Aside from sa many perspectives and ideologies, their definition changes as years pass by. No matter how fast life and technology has changed, there should be something constant for all men and fathers: to embrace our calling to be avenues of God’s provision for our family.

There is a stigma with the word provision that always connect it to money. But fatherhood is understanding that the best life we desire can be found in fully embracing the call of fathers to lead the family-not just as a provider of wealth but to live according to God’s design for man.

Embrace Sacrifice. Sacrifice is what husbands commit to their spouse, and this sacrifice continuous to overflow with the children. Men are designed to be adventurous, not just for himself but to explore his gifts so he can provide for his family. Embracing sacrifice means not just to flex and grow your body muscles but the leadership muscle to head the family.

Embrace Love. God designed man and fathers to use their full strength to show love to the family. Society defines men to be less expressive and communicative to their spouse or children, and more open to their peers. But studies have confirmed that fathers who are expressive of their love help children grow secure and confident. Similarly, when they experience hurt and trauma from their fathers, children become more fearful and insecure. Husbands need to express their love to their wife too. Because parenting is best served with a happy marriage.

• Embrace Care. Families look to their father as a safe place. The man’s strong physique is designed not to scare children but to be a reassuring presence in the home.

• Embrace Laughter. Never underestimate the core memory you instill in your children with happy moments. One daughter said, “I love our house. It’s fun at home, we have so many laughs with Tatay and Nanay.”

• Embrace Spiritual Life. Surveys, studies, and sharings always confirm that a father who spiritually leads the family builds a strong and loving home. Fathers in the Old Testament are the first priests of the house until the role was delegated to priests, and later, to those in spiritual positions in church. But the calling is still the same today for fathers: to pray for the family, lead in prayer, go to Mass, and be part of a spiritual family. Model the faith to them-how to forgive and how to serve.

I struggled with my father when I was growing up. He lost the fire to provide for us and instead embraced the comfort of letting my mom work and take charge. With lots of spiritual maneuvering, I learned to heal in the process. I recognized the past wounds, the present destructive effects, and the possible future traumas. Now as a father of two and happily married to Love, I continue to learn that being the man of the house requires me to embrace sacrifice. But the calling comes with provision. Once you fully accept God’s call as husband and father, you will experience His provision for you to fulfill it.

Dear man of the house, what you do plays a huge role in the family and society. It’s challenging, but very much worth it. Because living out your calling well yields amazing results: for the kids, your wife, and the person God designed you to be.

P.S. I also learned that more women read articles than men, so feel free to share this message to them, maybe with their favorite coffee.

*This article was taken from FEAST e-magazine June 2023 issue. Available at

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