I met a young woman who has a fantastic story.

Once upon a time, she had a horrible relationship with her boyfriend. Her boyfriend would have affairs left and right, and
she would be so hurt.

But she would always forgive him and take him back.

After four years of enduring a difficult relationship with her boyfriend, he finally dumped her and went off with another woman.

It devastated her. Her heart was crushed and she went through unimaginable pain. She was lost and tried all sorts of solutions to end her agony.

First, she begged him to come back. She stalked him, reached out, and kept texting him.

On those nights when she couldn’t sleep, she would text him, “How are you?” She wanted him back.

The only thing she didn’t do—but was tempted to—was go to him, kneel on the floor, grab his leg, and beg, “Please come back.”

Her other solution was this: to get even. To start dating immediately, make her ex jealous, and be in a relationship with a richer and better guy.

But thank God she pursued the best solution.

She attended a prayer meeting and got to know God in a deeper way. She began to love and serve the Lord.

Then she realized that her presenting problem wasn’t her real dilemma.

If you look at her life, it may seem that her problem was having a jerk of a boyfriend. Thus, the solution should be to change the boyfriend.

But no, that was only the presenting problem. Usually, the presenting problem is what you see in a tree—the leaves and the fruits.

But she discovered that her real problem was not her toxic romantic relationship.

It was that her self-worth was tied to having a boyfriend. She based her identity on that relationship.

That’s what all of us tend to do too.

We attach our identity, our self-esteem, and our self-worth on something that’s fickle and unstable.

As this young woman got to know God, she learned that the answer to her problem was to build her identity, her worth, on something that was more permanent and eternal—God’s love.

Finding God and loving Him became the source of her identity. Her mantra became, “God loves me. I’m a child of God. He calls me ‘Beloved.’ So even if I get or don’t get another boyfriend, it’s OK because God completes me.”

It was an amazing transformation. It didn’t happen right away. There were times when she still missed the guy and would till cry.