The Ins and Outs of Family Life

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Feelings of worth can flourish only in an atmosphere where individual differences are appreciated, mistakes are tolerated, communication is open, and rules are flexible — the kind of atmosphere that is found in a nurturing family.”
– Virginia Satir

Family life: There are three kinds of families.

First, there’s the hard-boiled eggs family. They’re together in one bowl but they tend to be too independent from each other and don’t show much of their “yolk” or who they are. They may be together but aren’t emotionally relating and connecting with each one.

Second, there’s the scrambled eggs family. They’re beaten and mixed up, then cooked all together. Once cooked, you can’t differentiate one from the other. The yolk is mixed with the egg whites, which shows their tendency to be dependent on each other. And sometimes they’re dependent to a fault as each one in the family lacks identity as an individual.

The third kind is the sunny-side-up family. In the pan or in the plate, the eggs are beside each other, the whites are almost touching or overlapping, but their yolks are whole and intact. In this family, there are connections, yet the individuality of each one is not trampled or mashed with the rest. The worth of each person is valued.

Which family do you think you have?

These analogies, taken from a lecture by Filipino renowned psychologist Dr. Honey Carandang, are the best I’ve heard about the different kinds of families. The first two are unbalanced types. These families and their members are likely to have the most concerns and least resources to adapt to change and stress. The sunny-side-ups are the healthy and well-functioning families. They are balanced. They may have problems, but since they are interdependent (not codependent or not too independent), they can be more flexible while remaining connected.

They have issues, they have needs, they have strengths, and they have love! So they have what it takes to make things work.

In this section, I’ll be sharing points and insights culled from family theories, real-life experiences, and from my own background. The concepts in this section such as Bond, Talk, Rewind, Transition, Feel, Recalibrate, and Flow are important factors that exist in our everyday life so we need to understand them. In doing so, you’ll learn more about yourself and your family dynamics. Let these points help you bring your family life from so-so to good, from good to better, and from better to the best family ever.

Read more about it from the book below!

*This excerpt is taken from Family Goals by Michele Alignay, available in paperback and e-book copy at!

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