The Three Stages of Love
by Velden Lim
What is love?
That is the question. A lot of people use the word “love.” In fact, it may be one of the most used words in the history of mankind. Yet, it is also the most misunderstood.
In order to know what love really means, let me walk you through the three stages of love.
Stage 1: Delight
Delight is the spark moment. This is the time you fall in love. It is a magical experience. Ito ‘yung tipong nginitian ka lang ng crush mo, halos himatayin ka na at tila buo na agad ang araw mo. Ito ‘yung exciting part ng romantic relationships.
Because it is so effortless.
Take note of the word: Effortless.
Bakit effortless? Kasi nga when you “fall” in love, hindi mo sinasadya. Nakakita ka na ba ng taong sinadya at pinlanong madapa? ‘Di ba wala? Laging aksidente ito at laging sa hindi inaasahang pagkakataon at paraan.
Kaya naman sa first stage, ang saya-saya mo. You are delighted. Because everything just seems so right. Para bang wala kang maipintas sa partner mo. Parang hindi siya nagkakamali.
Nagbobolahan at nagbabatuhan pa kayo siguro ng pick-up lines tulad nito.
Pick-Up Line #1
Boy: “Lupang Hinirang” ka ba?
Girl: Bakit?
Boy: Kasi naririnig ko pa lang ang boses mo, napapahawak na ako sa puso ko!
Pick-Up Line #2
Boy:Hindi tayo tao, hindi tayo hayop, hindi tayo lugar.
Girl: Eh ano tayo?
Boy: Bagay tayo!
‘Di ba ang corny ng mga banat? Pero halos mangisay ka na sa kilig. Bakit? Kasi inlababo ka eh. All logic is thrown out of the window sa stage na ito.
However, stage one doesn’t last very long. After a few years, or even a few months, darating ka rin sa stage two.
Stage 2: Disillusionment
Hindi magtatagal, mawawala rin ang spark. Bakit? Kasi nakikilala mo na nang mas maigi ‘yung partner mo. Dati, baliw na baliw ka sa partner mo dahil he is so perfect. You could not ask for more. Ngayon naman, baliw na baliw ka kasi na-realize mo ang dami pala niyang flaws. Habang tumatagal, nalalaman ninyo ang baho ng isa’t isa.
Nag-uumpisa ka nang ma-turn off sa kanya. Nakita mo na mainitin ang ulo niya sa traffic. Nalaman mo na mas vain pa pala siya sa iyo. Nalaman mo na madalas pala siya ma-wrong grammar. Hindi niya alam ang kaibahan ng you’re at your. Naglalagay siya ng letter ‘s’ sa iba’t ibang words na hindi naman dapat may letter ‘s’ tulad ng stuffs, equipments, at baggages. Big deal sa ‘yo ‘yun kasi grammar Nazi ka at best in English ka nung elementary.
Hindi lang ‘yan. Lumalabas na ang kagaspangan ng ugali niya. Nag-iba na ang pick-up lines niya sa ‘yo:
Boy: tao ka ba?
Girl: Bakit?
Boy: Wala lang, naninigurado lang!
Basag! He, he, he!
Ito ang stage two. Disillusionment. Nagigising ka na sa katotohanan na hindi pala perpekto ‘yung taong kinahumalingan mo. Na-disappoint ka bigla because your partner was not as good as you believed him to be, tulad na lang ng pagkadismaya mo nung natanggap mo ‘yung hamburger mo na malayo sa itsura nung napanood mo sa commercial nila.
Pero ito ang tanong na mahalaga: Is disillusionment a bad thing?
Answer: No.
In fact, this is a good thing. Because it can pave the way for real love.
Stage 3: Decision
After being disillusioned and disappointed, and after seeing all the aws in your partner, you will have to decide.
Should you end the relationship? Or should you continue?
And that’s what real love is. It’s a decision.
Real love is not based on feelings. It’s an act of the will. Real love happens when you choose to love even if you don’t feel like it. Much like how a mother is to her baby.
Ang nanay, kahit antok na antok at pagod na pagod na ‘yan, kapag umiyak ang anak niya nang madaling-araw, tatayo siya para ipagtimpla ng gatas ang anak niya. Does she feel like doing it? Definitely not. But does she love her child? Absolutely!
Love is a decision. And I believe it’s not just a decision. Love is a commitment. In order for love to last, it should be a series of endless decisions to love. It’s about our actions more than our emotions.
Hence, spark and kilig are very poor basis for choosing the right partner. I understand it’s nice to have that sentimental gush, but at the end of the day, it’s not a great predictor of your relationship’s success.
I repeat: Don’t rely on the “spark.”
God has given you a beautiful mind. He has given you intelligence to make wise judgments when choosing the right partner.
This article is an excerpt from the book, Bakit Single Ka Pa Rin? Mga Kalokohang Pinaniwalaan Mo Tungkol Sa Pag-ibig by Velden Lim.
Featured photo by Austin Call on Unsplash
“YUNG TOTOO, PANGIT BA AKO?”
Have you ever asked this question before? Sabay follow up ng, “Kung ‘di ako pangit, eh bakit single pa rin ako?” This may be the biggest question that many singles who have not yet found their partner in life are asking.
If this question is answered incorrectly, it will lead to discontent, impatience, and misery. Kaya imbis na na-eenjoy mo ang pagiging single mo, tinatrato mo ito bilang sumpa na kailangan mo nang malampasan o takasan.
SO BAKIT SINGLE KA PA RIN?
Kasi marami kang kalokohang pinaniniwalaan tungkol sa pag-ibig.
This book will bust these relationship myths and other crazy things you believed about love while growing up.
Let this book guide you not only in finding your one true love, but also in living your single life to the fullest.
This book is launching at the Manila International Book Fair at SMX Convention Center, on September 13-17, 2017. Visit Kerygma Books at booths 237-239 and get amazing discounts!
Available now at www.kerymgabooks.com/shop! Click HERE to get a copy of Bakit Single Ka Pa Rin? by Velden Lim and have it delivered right to your doorstep!
ALAMIN KUNG BAKIT SINGLE KA PA RIN!
GET YOUR COPY OF VELDEN LIM’S
BAKIT SINGLE KA PA RIN? MGA KALOKOHANG PINANIWALAAN MO SA PAG-IBIG
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Here’s how:
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Love.. oo nga po tama lahat if wrong person naman po yung tao na pinili mong mahalin.. alam naman bawal pero pilit parin pong ginagawang tama.. paano naman po kung mas ginusto ng girl na maging mistress matatawag pa rin po bang pagmamahal yun.. lagi nalang po natin kinakatwiran na tao lang tau pedeng magkamali.. pero wala naman po dibang masama kung nagmamahal tau yun nga lang sa d tamang paraan..
I love anything & everything that is written well… yeah you got some good content going on there for sure.